MOTHERHOOD

MOTHERHOOD IS NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART.MANY TEARS FALL OVER THE YEARS,I HAVE 6 SO I’M SWIMMING IN YRS OF THE CRYING RIVER.YOU CRY WHEN YOU HAVE THEM,WHEN U GIVE THEM AWAY EITHER TO COLLEGE,MARRIAGE OR TO THE WORLD ITSELF.FUNNY HOW WE THE PARENTS ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE OUTCOME OF OUR YEARS OF PARENTING.WE DO OUR BEST,PROMOTING HEALTHY CHOICES,FREEDOM BUT WITH COMPROMISES AND WE TEACH THEM FROM RIGHT AND WRONG,HOWEVER SOMETIMES EVEN OUR BEST ATTEMPTS AT IT,WE SOMETIMES HAVE TO ADMIT DEFEAT THAT OUR BEST  WASN’T GOOD ENOUGH.AND SOMEHOW ,WELL MAYBE IN SOME CASES IT IS THE PARENTS ,BUT IN MOST IT’S WHAT I BELIEVE SOCIETY’S FAULT THAT TURNS THE MOST LOVING,KIND CHILD INTO  A MONSTER THAT IS HATED BY WHAT CREATED IT.THINK ABOUT IT,THE KID WHO WANTS TO LEARN IN SCHOOL BUT IS BULLIED EVERYDAY AND THE SCHOOL HAS A LAX ATTITUDE ABOUT IT? OR THE ONE WHO WORKS SO HARD AND SACRIFICES HIS NEEDS AND THOSE OF HIS FAMILIES TO PROVE HIS WORTH AND WORKS HARDER AND LONGER THAN THE OTHER EMPLOYEES BUT GETS LOOKED OVER TIME AND AGAIN FOR A RAISE AND THE PROMOTION THAT WOULD ALLOW HIM TO AFFORD HEALTH INS AND MAYBE SOME XTRA FOOD ON THE TABLE.OR THE KID THAT THE PARENTS SEE AS A TROUBLED CHILD SO THEY SEND HIM TO A PLACE THAT’S SUPPOSE TO HELP BUT MAKES THEM MORE ANGRY AND RESENTFUL ,WHERE DO WE DRAW THE LINE AT TOUGH LOVE?I BELIEVE WE ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR OWN ACTIONS BUT SHOULD’NT WE EXPECT MANKIND TO BR RESPECTFUL AND HELPFUL TO EACHOTHER?THINK ABOUT THIS,ONE  PERSON’S ACTIONS OR NONACTIONS OR WORDS CAN AFFECT A PERSONS FUTURE  IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER.DO YOU HOLD “BAGGAGE” FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD? ARE YOU A FAILURE OR A SUCCESS BECAUSE OF HOW YOU WERE RAISED?DID YOU HAVE A POSITIVE ENVIRONMENT OR WERE YOU SURROUNDED BY PEOPLE WHO CONSTANTLY PUT DOWN EVERYTHING YOU EVER DID OR SAID?SOME ARE NOT ONLY A PRODUCT OF THEIR ENVIRONMENT BUT ALSO SOCIETY.HOW DO JUSTIFY PLACING  A CHILD IN HANDCUFFS FOR RIDING AN ILLEGAL BIKE AND EXPECT HIM TO RESPECT THE POLICE AS HE GETS OLDER? BUT THEN AGAIN HE HAS PARENTS WHO BROKE A LAW AND DISRESPECT THE LAW.HOW ABOUT THE STUDENT WHO TAKES A PLASTIC KNIFE TO SCHOOL TO CUT HIS COOKIE TO GET EXPELLED BECAUSE OF THE ZERO TOLERENCE IN SCHOOL SYSTEMS.HOW DOES THIS AFFECT HIM AS HE GETS OLDER? WHAT LESSON WILL  A 5 YO LEARN BY HAVING THE WORLD’S ATTENTION ON HIM? I AGREE THERE NEEDS TO BE LAWS IN AND OUT OF SCHOOL BUT I ALSO BELIEVE THE AGE,NATURE  OF THE CRIME AND HISTORY OF THE  CHILD BE CONSIDERED.YOU CANNOT HONESTLY SAY THAT 2 KIDS WHO AND YES IT IS AGAINST THE LAW TO WALK AWAY WITH ANOTHER CHILDS PROPERTY BUT TO CALL THE POLICE,HANDCUFF THEM IS RIGHT,NO AND SHAME ON THE 1 WHO CALLED THE POLICE.THESE WERE’NT KIDS WHO ARE THIEVES BY TRADE,NO TROUBLE AT ALL.THE PUNISHMENT SHOULD’NT ALWAYS FIT THE CRIME IN SOME SCENARIOS.I  MEAN MY SON GIVES ME A HARD TIME AND YES I HAVE TO CALL THE POLICE ,TO PROTECT MY SON FROM HIMSELF AND 5 COPS COME READY TO TAKE HIM DOWN BUT 15 HOODLUMS TERRORIZE MY NEIGHBOR AND NOT 1 IN SITE !3 TIMES SHE HAD TO CALL,THIS IS WHAT I MEAN,DO YOU OR DONT YOU CALL? THINK OF HOW MANY KIDS FOR NON THREATNING INCIDENTS TURN OUT TO BE RESENTFUL ADULTS WHO BREAK THE LAW THEIR WHOLE LIFE BECAUSE THEY CHOSE THE WRONG ACTION.TEARS,FOR OUR KIDS AND FOR THOSE WHO FELL THRU THE CRACKS OF THE WORLD THAT IS SUPPOSE TO BE CREATED EQUAL AND FAIR FOR ALL,I CRY WHEN I THINK OF ALL THE SOULS WE LOST NOT TO WARS OR MARRIAGE BUT TO SOCIETY,WHO IS NOT FAIR FOR EVERYONE FOR IT TURNS IT’S BACK ON THE LESS FORTUNATE,THOSE WHO SEEM HOPELESS AND SOME WHO DARE TO CHALLENGE THE RULES.MOTHERHOOD IS TOUGH ,FOR WE ARE RESPONSIBLE  FOR OUR CHILDREN AND THEIR OUTCOME FOR IF WE FAIL,WE ARE PUNISHED IN THE HARSHEST WAY,ABANDOMENT BY SOCIETY,WHO NEGLECTS THOSE WHO NEED HELP IN THE REAL WORLD,HELP WITH WHAT IS ACCEPTABLE AND WHAT ISN’T.A SOCIETY THAT OFFERS NO HELP OR SUPPORT BEFORE WE NEED IT AND DOESN’T HEAR OUR CRIES AND TURNS AWAY AS IF WE WERE A BOTHER AND SHAMES US FOR THINKING IT CARES AND NEVER ADMITS SOCIETY ISN’T EQUAL AND FAIR FOR ALL AND DOES NOT WANT TO DEAL WITH THE SO CALLED”FAILURE” IT CREATED.SOCIETY IS CRUEL AND FICKLE.MOTHERHOOD IS ENDANGERED SPECIES,WHY? BECAUSE WE GIVE UP WHEN OUR CHILDREN’S SCHOOLS WONT LISTEN TO US ,EXPECT US TO DROP THEM OFF AND HOPE FOR THE BEST AND LOOKS DOWN ON THOSE THEY THINK IS INTERFERING WITH THEIR CONFORMMENT OF OUR CHILDREN.WE GIVE SOCIETY TO MUCH SAY SO WITH OUR CHILDEN.WE NEED  TO STAND UP AND RE CLAIM WHAT SOCIETY HAS TAKEN FROM US,OUR RIGHTS TO RAISE OUR KIDS OUR WAY AND TO SAY NO WHEN WE KNOW IT’S RIGHT TO AND PROTECT THEM FROM THE ILLS OF THE WORLD.IF WE MOTHERED MORE AND STOP BEING A FOLLOWER TO OTHER PARENTS,THEN MAYBE WE WILL HEAR THE CRIES OF OUR CHILDREN,I  MEAN SO WHAT IF U THINK 11 YRS  IS TOO YOUNG TO TAKE PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION OR YOU FEEL SAFER DRIVING YOUR KID TO SCHOOL? WHOSE BUSINESS IS IT,YOURS! LIKE I SAID BEFORE,IF SOMEONE CALLS YOU OUT ABOUT YOUR PARENTING STYLE,KINDLY RETURN THE CALL! BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW HOW TO NITPICK EACHOTHER ABOUT OUR PARENTING STYLES.

April 1, 2010. Tags: , , , . family, Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

mommyhood2010

okay,so i have 6 kids ,1 i homeschool 1 who goes to kki for her speech disorder and pending more evals,more clinics to go to.1 who was a preemie and now also will be going to kki a 6yo who has a stress disorder a son who is dr jeckyll  and mr.hyde. a daughter who still lives at home and a 2 yo who is still struggling to catch up on his weight loss,and did  i mention that my sister lives here too? my mom died of renal failure so being the oldest i guess it’s my responsibilty to take care of mu mentally impaired sister for whom my family thinks we have joint custody the way they act,thet interfere w my household so i had to tell them where to go so to speak.it’s not easy keeping this house together when you have kids of various ages that is like pulling teeth to get along for 1 day.we live in a small home so there is room sharing,again not easy with all the age differences but as a mom we are expected to make sacrifices and i believe the kids should have their own spaces,with alot of time sharing that is.i homeschool the 6 yo which isn’t bad since the 4 yo likes to learn now too and the 2 yo ,well it’don’t take much to entertain him.schedule you say? not in this house,i’ve lost count of all the tactics i have tried,i found that a little give and take and compromises ,a household  wiil be calmer maybe not clean all the time or dinner not at the same time everyday but we do get along and projects and school go a little smoother.i can not give 2 girls a bath at the same time everynite or lock them in their rooms when they keep running out or enforce the no toys,books at bed time.my feeling is,if the toy keeps them in their room so i can get some me time than that’s okay,if it means they fall asleep in my bed then oh well .sometimes creating more frustrations and yelling is not worth the sanity of the household. i had a women tell me to stop using the big kids for help,enforce my momminess and put the 6yo on  a schedule since she has the behavior issues.i gave my 2 girls a bath at 7,730 snack,745 brush teeth,8oo read a book 810 lights out.my 4 yo has medical issues that dont allow her to understand these rules so i stuck w the 6 yo ,again these rules were just 4 her per this expert.now before i switched bedrooms ,the 4 and 2 yo shared a room,expert knew this! the 4 and 2 yo were withheld from going 2 bed while we tried for 2 hrs to get the 6yo to stay in the room,before she would fall asleep in my room w a lock on the door,i was there every nite,to keep her from running out,this worked for me ,because it kept peace in the house,all little ones were in bed at the same time ,and my daughter wasnt begging for mercy.it was the worst nite ever!i will never reccomend that a parent lock their kids in a room,the idea is ,u sit out side the room and hold the door shut,it;s still agony,and does’nt work for the needs of my family.for 1 since i did’nt use the big 1;s for help all day,i was exhausted and agrivated and my bathroom is the size of 2 porta potty’s! i told this expert that  and she was like super nanny on speed.see my point is ,not all families benefit from this drastic measure and i should not have listened to her,why? because i’m older than her and the only thing  she knows about a kid is in books and the career she chose.when you have numorious dr.appts,special needs children and high blood pressure,this just makes thing more crazier! how can a mom not use the help she has? i did it with the first 3 but i was younger did’nt run as much and only had 3 so there were’nt 3 older 1’s also demanding my attention.why should i wait to late at nite to get my peace? and more impirtant my, rest.so needless to say,i won’t be going back to her! i have my own schedule and so what if the kids go a day w/o a bath or eat dinner at 7pm and go to bed at 9 or 930,who cares? my kids r happy they may act up at home but r the most respectful well behaved kids in the outside world.they have  a mom who is firm but fair ,a mom they no they can’t get over on and w  all these kids and their individual needs who can stick to a schedule?expert my but,i’m an expert! i know how to do this by myself now it is fine to ask 4 help now and again,but don’t let anyone try to supernanny you or create more stress than it’s worth,stick to your guns and u tell those experts:this isn’t 4 me,let’s try something else,see i let her bully me ,the old me  would have laughed in her face,or gotten myself thrown in jail!we all need help,but talk to your family 1st,i did .i told em they help me change things or they r going to therapy!when i told em what nutty nanny said,they all got angry,agreed to my terms and now i’m boss again or so they allow me to think that! u gotta love em,u cant ignore the problems but u have more help out there than u know and please talk to your family! they don’t know why we r yelling or what they do gets on our nerves,sat thankyou once in awhile and praise the good and u will slowly but surely see a difference,i did.

March 28, 2010. Tags: , , , . family. Leave a comment.

motherhood

my name is tammy.i have 6 children,so i feel i have the experience to give advice or write about family life.you see my first was born in 1988 and my last in 2008,4 girls and 2 boys from ages tot to adult and they are under the same roof and are not a step family.i am going to break the perception of the perfect woman.there is none ,she doesnot  exist oh some may think they are perfect and some men may think their wife is perfect and their mothers were.i never try to be perfect because if i do ,the example will be set and i’ll never ever be able to slack off .i’m a mom who uses baby wipes for an instant bath if the day lasted too long,baby wipes to do a quick dusting and if the kids r sweating a little.alot has changed  since 88,from cribs to diapers and illnesses and vaccinations,so i  knew a few tricks of the trade,like if a baby cries hysterically,it does’nt always mean colic,thanks to my 2 yo i now know babies to suffer from acid reflux so now babies take antacid!liquid of course.see some moms are so insecure of how to take care of their babies that they use their moms for the advice that sometimes is too old ,meaning it could be unsafe information,good for one but not another,what i’m getting to is that we need to be confident in ourself and not run to the person you know will save you ,which is fine but if ur like me u have a mom who will set her “baby bird ” free and show her how to spread her mommy wings.my biggest pet peeve is the mommies who have 1 or 2 kids and are the experts on advice and try to tell me what i should try,funny! how about the ones who are a new mommy and immediately super mom and have an instant phd in mommyhood,or the one who is president of the pta,mom cab,betty crocker and model wife,you know darn right they have a secret somewhere! no one can be that perfect,no one ,u better believe it’s smoke and mirrors,i  mean are you truly happy?are your children happy being dragged from 1 sport to another?one thin i know is true:it’s not how much time u have w your kids,it’s what you do with it,they’re only babies once,look i know we all want the best 4 our kids but at what price? to all u supermommies,good 4 u,i’m happy u can and have it all,but do not put all sahm’s in the same basket ,and that goes 4 the sahm’s too,u cannot put all working mom’s into that basket eaither.we spend our days competing to be the best mom but at the end of the day the only 1’s who matter is your family.i have alot to say ans alot of stories to tell but that’ll be another blog.

March 28, 2010. Tags: , , . family. Leave a comment.

MY MOMMY NOTES

i like being  a mom however i have always felt that the word MOM meant to some people that all we are suppose to do is raise our kids and not have a clue of what is going on outside the home.
up until my 1st son i stayed at home which wasn’t bad except i had to time my outings w him(my 2 girls were in school).i didn’t have babysitters ,oh sure there was my mom and mother in law but really,who can take care of your baby as good as you?
i started taking ged classes but had to give it up,almost went to r.n. asst.classes but that too did’nt happen,why? my husband worked nights,my mom didn’t want to watch the baby and i didn’t care too much for my mother in law at the time.i loved my son to pieces and when i had yes had to go to work my heart broke into a million pieces.he wasn”t even 2 and loved me so much that we had an unbreakable bond that finances were about to destroy my sons and i  bond forever.
you see,i have and always will believe the first 3 yrs of a childs life are the key to the bonding process  the learning and development and the emotional standing of a child.when a mom all of a sudden is taken away from a child it is emotional for the both especially when all the child knows is his mommy and that she won’t be there anymore.i know some of us choose to work i however didn’t have to until i was forced  to save the house.when a child is attached to mom it is best to find a person who will love and care for him as much as mommy but not to replace her but assure mom he is fine and is surviving.my son went thru a few caregivers that i know is responsible for his lack ogf caring today.
babies need love,hugs and reassurance that mommy will be back,not thrown into child mode wher he is left to fend for himself.my son wsa never nutured by anyone only treated  as a paycheck.i blame myself for leaving himm and not standing up to my husband  for being a spending freak,my mom for discarding him like he was a foster child ,my mother in law for not showering h im and the babysitter who was seargent no care.i worked shift so it wasn’t like i had a set schedule he could adjust to and his sisters wre in school so he had no one to hold and love him for he was a sad little boy and my mom lived across from no care but didn’t have no interest in him.my son went thru a few of terrible babysitters but i was pressured to keep working to help pay the bills.my 2nd son is 2 and i let his father know i have no intentions of going back to work so he better stop wasting money or he’ll be out on his ass!my son is and his development are more important than a job,yes we all need a break so i take one! look,i have 4 minor kids,3 have medical needs that are so great that a job would keep me fom focusing on their appointments and they would suffer because i know their father is incapable of running 3 kids back and forth and making sure the 2 yo eats so he doesn’t lose weight again( another blog).and again dad works nite so how do i work according to his schedule?don’t get me wrong,i would like to even have a part time job but again what i want goes on the back burner so i can raise 3 more and allow the man to do what he wants.
you see,my husband is a “me” person so my kids come after what he wants and doesn’t get that he comes last.do i subject my kids to his tantrums however childish they are?you see,i have no choice.take care of my kids or let them become screwed up like my 1st son.no way i’ll do whay all moms do:sacrifice.why do we feel forced to choose to stay at home or go to work?if we are truly happy at what we are doing and our kids are happy to ,then you have made the right choice no matter what side you are on and who questions you about it,we are the ones,no our kids too that live by our decision.so choose wisely,you never know what the future will hold for any of you.

April 14, 2010. Tags: , , , . Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

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